DEATH! … and a victory! By Pimpleton Haverday.
The ferocious Tiger Bay Tramplers got off to a blistering start this weekend with a 3-1 win against the Blackforest Unicorns. So dominant were they in destroying the soft and squidgy elves that it’s rumoured the opposition are now changing their name to the Blackforest Gateaus!
Star of the match was undoubtedly Rage Walker with a touchdown, an interception and four injuries, including one casualty. When asked to comment he screamed furiously, gesticulated with his dagger towards an extremity of this reporter before whipping his cape around him and skulking away.
Next up for the title contenders, are the current Champions, the Fife Falcons, a bunch of bandy-legged tap dancers, some illiterate Neanderthals and a few failed dinosaurs, all united by their disliked of our own, brave, furry Skaven–
STOP THE PRESSES!! STOP THE PRESSES!! STOP THE PRESSES!!
So pleased with their first result (and conscious that several boatloads of merchant seaman were currently on a week’s leave in Tiger Bay) Overlord Krazak forced through the scheduling of the Fifer Falcons match to two days after the Blackforest game. Rest? Rest is for the weak. Training? Training is for the incompetent. The Tramplers are always ready to trample some skulls.
And trample they did! Tiger Bay WON! Against the Champions! Fittingly for a match against the Anti-Fur Coalition, the gutter runner Squick Two Tail got the game-winning turn sixteen touchdown after, again, the Tramplers filled up the opposition’s injury box. Leaping legs were broken, thick skulls were stomped and a few more dinos became extinct.
The Tramplers started early forcing the apo into a bit of magic fixing a gammy leg on the Falcon’s star thrower Captain Lameface Something, only for him to smash an ankle later on in the game. So lame.
The early menace of the two giant, furry monstrosities (wait, what? Fur?) was diminished second half as Balloon the Bear (he loves a picnic basket!) capitulated under Tramplepower. The yhetee Bigfoot tried his best, bless him, but spent most of the latter stages wandering around the wilderness of midfield trying not to be noticed.
It wasn’t a surprise to most Tramplers fans that a team named after non-combatant flute players and a sub-par hunting bird that preys on smaller, weaker birds could capitulate so quickly after coming up against a team that didn’t let them get away with their usual bullying tactics. In fact, it left some onlookers wondering if the standard of the league was even up to much.
Rage Walker again impressed, after switching blades at halftime, and gained the MVP for a second week in a row. When asked to comment by this reporter, he glowered menacingly and slid a finger across his throat, before backing away whilst pointing and nodding.
Play of the game had to be Dragger Kightshad’s pick up and showboating, long bomb, bounce pass to Squick to set-up the winner. You can’t buy that kind of skill (This compliment is sponsored by Kightshad’s Kompendium where showboats are currently half-price, and all bombs are two-for-one!).
After dismantling the current Champions, the mighty Tramplers are surely now the new tournament favourites?
(Disclaimer – This match report was commissioned by Overlord Krazak)