BUTETOWN BRAWLERS BREAKING NEWS!
Coming straight out of Tiger Bay from our Sports Reporter Holbeck Gil.
Yes Chet, shocking news here tonight, as the Three Trees Alliance seems no more. By forcibly taking over the coal trade, town and Blood Bowl franchise this season from the evil Chaos Pact, the Trees made themselves a target, not just for the gangs they usurped but also from the locals who haven’t quite warmed to the new, more genteel style. Fans have even rejected the comfort of the new stadium enhancements, choosing instead to throw the seat cushions, and in fact the seats, onto the pitch every home game. It hasn’t helped that results have been poor, players have underperformed and Coach ntb_99 has made some very dubious decisions. All-in-all it’s been a miserable first season for the… oh wait… Chief Inspector Glumdike of the Butetown Constabulary is coming out to make a statement.
“Last night at around 3:24am we responded to a written report from a nearby resident that said they could hear the sounds of screaming and carpentry coming out of the Butetown Trampledome. My officers and I arrived to find utt-, utt- … I’m sorry, I need a moment… … … utter devastation. It was one of the most disgusting and depraved crime scenes I’ve ever witnessed in my thirty years on the beat. Veteran cops, real gnarly guys, were chucking their guts up. When we pulled ourselves together, the forensic team went in to collect shavings and sap samples for analysis in the hope we can shed some light on this truly awful crime. We can’t let any reporters inside the stadium at this time for fear of creating panic in the local populace. I will update you when we know more. I will not be taking any questions.”
Well there we go Chet. Utter devastation he said. I’ve managed to get some off-the-record quotes from some of his men. One said, “Ugh, *retch* uh, oh, no, I’m gonna do it again.” Another just stared into the distance whilst muttering, “The horror, the horror.” I did manage to grab a word with a forensic officer on his way out who said that in all his years he’d never seen such impressive craftsmanship. I’m not quite sure what he meant by that, but as more and more details emerge about this horrific crime I’ll be sure to update you. Back to you Chet.
Thanks Holbeck. Horrific indeed. Oh, I’m just hearing that the club has made an official statement. It’ll be coming up on your screens now.
STATEMENT FROM THE BOARD OF THE BUTETOWN BRAWLERS.
Whilst we understand that everyone will have questions and that on the surface the events of last night seem shocking, we just want to assure our players, our staff, our fans and the good people of Butetown, that although this organisation is not going to bow down to threats and violence, we WILL be fielding a bigger, stronger, faster Blood Bowl team next season to get you the results that your fantastic support deserves. To this aim, the Three Trees Alliance have kindly stepped aside in the overall management of this franchise and the new Board and organisational structure will be released to the public presently. But, rest assured, the Three Trees will continue to be an important presence in the boardroom. Thank you.