“Good evening sports fans, Stu Pot here and the MML Redzone bringing you the hottest news from the first week of Blitz Season 13. Over to my esteemed colleague Vicente Chambón… how’s the mead tequila hangover and what’s the latest from the beaches of Tijuana?”
“Hi Stu, what can I say… I won my case of Mead Tequila in my bet with Coach Sidewinder last season after the Tequila Shots pulled in only one win, falling short of their target of three wins and a free stadium upgrade paid for by the Blitz League Commission. Needless to say a lovely drop, but boy does your head feel it for the three days after with a long hangover like no other!
However it has to be said they’ve had an incredible off-season summer camp with spectacular moves in the draft to lock in three first round picks to ensure a starting lineup where legendary elves outnumber the rookies two to one and some crazy Be Different bruisers have been sent to rampage on the offensive line.
So expectations for the season are somewhat higher than last as two legendary wardancers of the game, Lord Braveheart and Foxtrot were drafted into the franchise to terrorise the backfields of offensive teams in the World Division… and boy they did not disappoint in the opening game of the season.
First up for the Tijuana Tequila Shots in their opener at home at the Cantina Loca they weclomed the Nappannee Nightmares – who gave the Shots their only win of last season on the road. Nothing much had changed about the Nightmares’ modus operandi, big heavy bruisers who’d only got stronger in the off-season as they fielded no fewer than nine players with ST 4 and Mighty Blow in their armoury where removing elves from the field of play always seems to be the primary objective…
In that regard the Nightmares did not disappoint delivering seven KOs and four injuries to the elves over the course of the match – Lord Braveheart in the mixer come off the worst with a broken jaw and is set to miss next week’s match as he recovers, no doubt, much to the relief of the Razorclaws who the Shots face next.
However he wasn’t removed from the field of play soon enough before linking up with Foxtrot to deadly effect. A long kick to the backfield and Yu Daddie, an awesome ST5 Welf Thrower big enough to carry extra armour wasted no time in blitzing Icherson, long time ball carrier, and badly injured him to leave Max Ogredrive all by himself in the backfield. Having cleared the way Braveheart and Foxtrot swooped in with Foxtrot picking up the ball at the feet of Ogredrive and dodging out on a GFI whilst the rest of the team elf-screened… Turn 2 and Foxtrot, unstoppable, skipped out of tackle zones as if they weren’t there to score the first of his three TDs.
Setting up on the offensive line the Nightmares were a bit stunned and moved Mr Fluffy the Kroxigor to the blindside to cover the hole that Icherson left behind dazed in the CAS box. Skip a Beat versatile in his kicking, went deep to the other side of the field and by turn four Foxtrot was leaping into the endzone for a second score… the Nightmares were dazed, but not battered. The half ran out and with the elves piling up in the KO and CAS box were happy to take a 2-0 lead into the half.
But Stu, this isn’t Tijuana for nothing… some sweltering heat by the beach took the Shots by surprise and they could only field six elves on their offensive drive with Foxtrot being fanned under shade by the cheerleaders with a cold compress to try and revive him. Coach Sidewinder was pessimistic that all the great work in the first half was about to come undone… He needn’t have worried, even though Max Ogredrive used his awesome speed to tag up Hightower at QB deep in the backfield Hightower dodged out to throw long to Kovacs for him to dash down the line for the third score of the game.
However not before Yu Daddie struck carnage again as he killed stone dead the fearsome killer Grimslock Crackjaws causing the Nightmares’ coach to suck in a breath before ordering his Apo out of the dugout to resuscitate Crackjaws… however this Orc was DNR as the Apo’s spell failed to take and it was dead to dead for him!
The game secured it was just a question of how many more casualties that the Nightmares would impart on their division rivals… a few more it would seem. Going into turn 14 keen to earn some Be Different bonus money – seen as the result was a bust – Mr Fluffy tossed the ball to Ogredrive but he spilled it out into the open field. Foxtrot sprung to his feet and made it to the end zone before Hightower dodged out, scooping up the ball and throwing the most spectacular long bomb into the end zone for Foxtrot’s hattrick at which the crowd went wild!
What an opener to the season, the Shots announced themselves to the rest of the division as contenders for the playoff berths with a fearsome 4-0 win and carried on their 100% record against their lizard rivals… After the match I caught up with Coach Sidewinder and asked him about the pre-season planning and his ambitions for the season ahead he had this to say”
Good to see you back at the Cantina Loca Chambón have a shot on me. The Be Different opportunity was too good to pass up and with our owners backing us we decided to go big blowing the carefully planned multi-season budgets… However, after this week’s showing it was totally worth the change of plan. The crowd danced the samba the whole way through and a 4-0 victory over our division rivals with Foxtrot scoring a hattrick means this beach has got a lot more entertaining to do over the season.
Of course our VC backer let us spend big, but as long as it was matched with big ambitions. We were happy to score our maiden win in our first blitz season, but I think we’ve got enough in the locker to be challenging for a playoff berth this time round.
“Well there you have it Stu, Sidewinder is not accustomed to making empty boasts and he’s got a stellar Blood Bowl career as a legend of the game that we’ve got to believe he means what he says. The Shots are off to a spectacular start – the question now is can they keep it up as they go on the road to the Razorclaws next week? One thing for it – tune in next week! I’m Vicente Chambón back to you Stu in the studio for the rest of the Redzone roundup.”