“Good evening sports fans, Stu Pot here and boy does @BlitzDesk have hot news of a new franchise who have come out of no where and are making a splash by the sea as season 12 of the MML Blitz is set to get under way. Over to Vicente Chambón on the beaches of Tijuana for the latest, what can you tell us, other than what the mead Tequila is like? Vincente…”
Vincente said, “It comes to us all eventually… retirement. The great sea wardancer, Eldril Sidewinder, had always had one eye on retiring to Tijuana to open up his very own Cantina by the beach. The ‘Cantina Loca’ has quickly become known for it’s mead Tequila, wild parties and lore of Sidewinder’s well documented exploits on the hallowed elf turf at the home of the Galadrieth Gladiators.
The Cantina Loca, before Sidewinder knew it, became the place for young West Coast Wood Elves to hang out over the summer. In his new role as barkeep and raconteur he enthralled the West Coast college Wood Elves of his famous Chaos Cup victory.
One (of the many) crazy nights, nostalgia for the days of Blood Bowl overflowing and a near run-dry bar lacking in sufficient quantities of mead Tequila to keep the kids happy led Eldril to take the party to the sand. As night fell, beach fires were lit and Sidewinder turned back the clock as that first game of beach sevens scratched an itch Sidewinder didn’t realize he still had.
Before long, young aspiring Wood Elves came from far and wide to study at the feet of Sidewinder to get a schooling in the finest mead Tequila and Blood Bowl. The natural progression led to the creation of the Tijuana Tequila Seven Shots summer tournament.
News of Sidewinders’ devilishly quick tequila fueled wardancers travelled fast and before you can say ‘Jack Robinson’ he was enticed back out of retirement by some unknown West Coast Venture Capitalist who was a boyhood fan. The franchise was born, dropping the Seven to become the Tijuana Tequila Shots as Sidewinder dons his (secret, shh) mithril undervest in the role of player coach. The Tequila Shots are the only MML League team to play their matches on sand – protecting Sidewinder’s ageing bones from the crunching tackles from the teams with, shall we say, less finesse!
I had the opportunity earlier to speak with Sidewinder and put to him that he was way past his prime and this was merely a PR gimmick to promote Cantina Loca and increase export sales of his mead Tequila to the good ol’ US of A to line his pockets.
Sidewinder scowled at the suggestion and quipped, ‘I’ll bet you a case of my finest mead Tequila that the Tijuana Tequila Shots is no sideshow and come the end of the season you’ll witness the pig skin land in the endzone more times than you think’
Of course Stu, he didn’t say at which end… I predict the tequila drinking wardancers will end up with their faces ground into the sand by some of the dynasty franchises in the Blitz who must surely be looking at the Tijuana Tequila Shots as a day trip to the beach rather than serious contenders.
Time will tell but I predict by the end of the season I’ll be drunk on a case of mead Tequila that Sidewinder will owe me! That’s all for now…
Back to you Stu in the studio”