Fife Herald Report: King of Fife to Honour Frost

The Fife Herald reported on the 12th May 2018 that there had been a certain disquiet at Falkland Palace as our King, may he lead us forever, had severely questioned pre-season spending decisions which coach Josiah Frost had made. (From beginning the season with over $2.4 million, coach Frost had managed to wittle this down to less than a reported $350,000.) It seems, however, that his Highness is now delighted with the progress that Fife Falcons have made and that with still having a game in hand the Falcons have qualifed for this seasons playoffs.

The King, who always very wisely has an eye for good fiscal management, was said to be concerned as he did not understand why Coach Frost had not saved some of this money, for a ‘rainy day,’ of which there are many within the Kingdom. It now seems that the King has described to close confidants that he believes that Frost’s decisions seem to be ‘inspired,’ which is high praise indeed from his Majesty. The Fife Herald as a royalist and loyalist publication finds it difficult to report that the King may even have admitted that he was, ‘Wrong,’ to these sources. (Although the Herald would be at pains to point out that it is inconceivable that His Highness could ever be wrong on any weighty or substantive matter.)

One of the Falcons undisputed stars and a complete fan favourite Brother Achoo took an early tumble, in the first match of the Falcons’ season, leading to him incurring serious concussion and injuries, which he has carried all season. The huge premium which the Falcons paid in medical insurance now seem to have been a wise investment in helping to get the ‘chosen one’ of the team back on his feet and as long as he manages to survive to the end of the season, doctors predict he will be ‘as healthy as he has ever been.’ The cost of replacing Brother Achoo on the roster, aside from the obvious fact that players like him are irreplacable, is likely to have been higher than the premium paid, and in that sense could almost therefore be viewed as an investment. The Falcons are believed to be the only team in the league to have paid for medical insurance and in light of the NZ virus which has so afflicted so many players, can also be seen to have been a savvy choice. A medical team was dispatched to review and evaluate all Falcons players when the outbreak first hit. This did not stop Coach Frost in being vocal about wanting to help out the league in general and despite some crticism it is understood that the Falcons made a contribution to the Macon a difference campaign to find a cure.

With the league-wide shortage of players it also seems that setting up the Tayside Icerats, minor league team, to feed talent to the Falcons could prove invaluable in securing stars of the future and it is also reported that Coach Frost is already making plans to allow some of the others of the Falcons’ injured players, including Eurydice, to rest next season playing for the Icerats and is already making plans for some expansion in the upcoming season.

Fife Falcons are likely to receive a larger payout than they did at the end of last season and this would clearly place them in a good place financially. Even if they make expenditures comparable to the previous pre-season, it seems that the Falcons may still be able to set aside the ‘nest egg’ which his Highness had initially envisaged, whilst still having made some good infrastructure investments that it is hoped will pay their own dividends.

The Fife Herald understands that His Highness is so impressed with Coach Frost that he has made arrangements to honour him in a private ceremony at the palace, prior to the playoffs. Coach Frost is likely to be named as a Commander of the Fife Empire, (CFE,) despite not being a native of the Kingdom.

Fife Falcons’ record currently stands at 5 wins, no draws and a loss, with no other team in the World North/East playpool able to now acquire sufficient points to unseat them at the top of the leaderboard even were they to lose their final match of the regular season to the Jaggerland Jesters.




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