Exclusive: Tijuana Fans go loca as Coach Sidewinder gives up first draft pick

“Good evening sports fans Stu Pot here and boy does Sidewinder, Coach of the newly minted franchise Tijuana Tequila Shots, like to court controversy. Over to Vicente Chambón, what can you tell us about this latest tequila fuelled madness Vincente?”

“Vincente Chambón here, here being the appropriately named Cantina Loca. Loca is as Loca does or so the fans of the fledgling Tijuana Tequila Shots are saying tonight as they fire up the beach side braziers as they picket and call for the head of the new Franchise’s legendary player and newest Blitz Coach, Edril Sidewinder.

Why, you might ask, well news fresh in and I can exclusively reveal from an impeccable source – a beach bum drowning his sorrows with cheap tequila, not mead – in protest, overheard Sidewinder earlier tonight as he was toasting ‘good business’. I asked this friendly beach bum what did he mean by ‘good business’.

His tale of woe, he lamented, was that Sidewinder in a grubby deal has given up the Tijuana Tequila Shot’s first Expansion Pick in exchange for mere coin. Fans are spitting feathers at the idea that the hottest war dancer in the Draft might be going to Butetown Brawlers instead of the sun-kissed beaches of Tijuana and the stadium of sand at Cantina Loca.

I was lucky to grab Sidewinder at the bar earlier and in exchange for me doing a hideous shot of Sidewinder’s worst tequila he was prepared to go on record – the things I do Stu to get the story.

When I asked him why he had given away, so freely, the first pick Sidewinder had this to say,

Well Vincente, I appreciate how passionate the fans are about seeing the best war dancers coming here to represent them and Tiujana as we set out on our illustrious journey to the Blitz title. However, I have to recognise that a freshman Franchise going all the way to the final this time out is unlikely. I have to think about the future. Trust me Vincente when I say Butetown Brawlers paid over the odds, they paid over the odds. Great business for us which we will invest for the long-term… oh and don’t forget we still have the 2nd and 3rd pick in the draft!

With Sidewinder happy at the deal he cut I tried to reach the Butetown Brawlers for comment, but they rather rudely said they’d never heard of this legendary Mexican journalist and hung up the phone… guess we will never know Stu.

So there we have it, Sidewinder pleased with himself, fans protesting outside Cantina Loca. All I can say is the Tijuana Tequila Shots better have a good first outing this regular season or the journey could be over for Sidewinder before it gets started as no doubt the fans will call for his head.

On the plus side he’d owe me that case of mead Tequila – some of the good stuff, I haven’t forgotten Stu. More on the draft in the coming days as the wheeling and dealing unfolds.

For now, back to you Stu in the Studio.”